However, my health and athleticism were paralyzed for many years as I battled addictions.
I fell in love with alcohol and drugs in my teens. They were coping mechanisms to help me get outside of myself and not feel what I hated most about who I was and the life I was given. I always knew I had a problem controlling anything that made me feel good and I chased it. After years of destructive behavior, my life became one self-sabotage after another and I became a chameleon trying to survive and get to my next fix. I eventually started to fear that I was running out of chances and that I was either going to end up in some serious trouble or accidentally kill myself or someone else. However, I was addicted to the thrill, so I continued on despite the fact that I was losing my identity as a human being.
My cycles continued and partying with me was no longer fun. What that usually looked like was me wandering off alone in foreign places, blackouts, overdosing, intoxicated driving, fights, falling, bruises, broken bones, and handcuffs. I was relentless.
“After many cycles of highs and lows I hit one particular emotional and physical bottom that brought me to my knees. I had hit many bottoms prior, but this one emptied me out.”
After many cycles of highs and lows I hit one particular emotional and physical bottom that brought me to my knees. I had hit many bottoms prior, but this one emptied me out. I was in a drug induced psychosis and when I came down I was humiliated once again and finally surrendered to treatment. Rehab was the last place I wanted to go to because I was in fear of the person I had to deal with sober. Me. However, despite my fear, my inner voice moved me to make the choice to get help. I spent time in a residential treatment facility and then many months in an intensive outpatient program. It was through those experiences that I got over the fear of getting to know myself and I got to work.
After some deep work, and what I felt was the beginning of my spiritual and emotional transformation, I had an overwhelming desire to begin a physical transformation and throw myself back into sports and fitness. I had let myself go for many years. I was out of shape and had quit playing every team sport I had been participating in. I was familiar with weight training from my college days and many years of sporadic training in the gym, but I wanted to challenge myself to new strength training methods. So, I began researching online fitness coaches and trainers and found a woman that had the lifestyle I wanted. I got to work with her immediately.
After about three months of consistent high intensity weight training, dieting, and proper supplementation, I found myself in the best shape of my life. I was able to sustain it and started to feel a blend of confidence, ambition, strength and humility that was so foreign to me. I loved it! I continued on with my program and during that period, my perception on health, fitness, diet, and lifestyle had changed. Everything clicked. My results were quick because I was diligent with my program and stayed close to my coach. I checked in with her often and that held me accountable to my progress and overall program. The lights went on in a multitude of ways. I was encouraged to build a career around what I was doing for myself, so I started building my fitness network and my online platform, incorporating everything responsible for my physical transformation. I extended my training program with my coach for another six months and continued building my system. For years I had a fascination with vitamins and supplementation, so I continued my research with a focus on supplementation for fitness. It wasn’t long before I was approached by my first wave of clients.
Coaching through motivation and witnessing the lives of my clients transform has brought a tremendous amount of joy to my life. It also wasn’t long before I rejoined a soccer team and multiple softball teams. Health and fitness had become a passion and priority in my life again and I was finally feeling a wholeness that I used to only fantasize about. Getting sober gave me a new freedom and fitness saved my life. Nothing has made me feel more alive.
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